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<channel>
	<title>Project Michelle</title>
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	<link>http://projectmichelle.com</link>
	<description>Michelle needs your help -- be the one to save her</description>
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		<title>Continuing Michelle&#8217;s Legacy</title>
		<link>http://projectmichelle.com/2010/03/20/continuing-michelles-legacy/</link>
		<comments>http://projectmichelle.com/2010/03/20/continuing-michelles-legacy/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sun, 21 Mar 2010 00:05:50 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Melanie</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://projectmichelle.com/?p=650</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[From Melanie and the family:

WE NEED YOUR HELP
It’s been 8 months since Michelle left us and the pain is still raw. There is a huge emptiness inside me and I continue to grieve for what has happened. I hang on to so many of the moments I shared with Michelle, afraid as more time passes [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><em>From Melanie and the family:<br />
</em><br />
<strong>WE NEED YOUR HELP</strong><br />
It’s been 8 months since Michelle left us and the pain is still raw. There is a huge emptiness inside me and I continue to grieve for what has happened. I hang on to so many of the moments I shared with Michelle, afraid as more time passes that I am leaving her behind.</p>
<p>We continue to honor Michelle’s wishes and are focused on helping patients so that something positive can come from this horrible reality. My mom has been working hard with political leaders and the community to continue helping those in need of bone marrow transplants. In February, Senator Mark DeSaulnier of Concord, CA introduced Senate Bill 1304, the “Michelle Maykin Memorial Donation Protection Act,” that will allow private and public sector employees paid time off for organ or marrow donation. Donors would no longer have to worry about the financial burden of their gift. We know that this will ultimately lead to more registered donors and more lives saved.</p>
<p><strong>HOW YOU CAN HELP<br />
</strong>For SB 1304 to pass, it has to go through the legislative process. The next step is for the bill to go through the Senate Labor and Industrial Relations Committee where it is reviewed and then voted up or down. The committee hearing will be held on April 14, 2010. Here is how you can help pass SB 1304 out of the Senate Labor and Industrial Relations Committee and move it to the next step of the legislative process:</p>
<p><strong>1) Sign our online petition</strong> to show the widespread community support for SB 1304.<br />
<a href="http://www.petitiononline.com/sb1304/petition.html">Link for Online Petition</a></p>
<p><strong>2) Tell your friends and family</strong> to sign the petition</p>
<p><strong>3) Fill the room at the Hearing</strong> on April 14 in Capitol Building (9:30 am in Room 2040)</p>
<p><strong>4) Spread the word</strong> by emailing friends and family with the above message to get them involved. Log onto your favorite networking sites and ask everyone you know to sign the petition or send a letter of support:</p>
<p>Senator Mark DeSaulnier<br />
State Capitol, Room 2054<br />
Sacramento, CA 95814</p>
<p>Passing this bill was something Michelle dreamed about and worried we couldn’t get done. We are now so close but we need you to succeed. With your help, we can save more lives and prevent families from having to go through what mine is struggling with everyday.</p>
<p>Thank you so much for all your support,<br />
Melanie</p>
<p>Link to pre-drafted letter to be signed:<br />
<a href="http://www.bootie.org/~kimi619/web/SB_1304_Support_Letter.doc">Pre-Drafted Letter</a></p>
<p>Link to detailed Senate Bill 1304:<br />
<a href="https://docs.google.com/viewer?url=http://www.bootie.org/~kimi619/web/sb_1304_bill_20100219_introduced.pdf">SB 1304 Bill</a></p>
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			<wfw:commentRss>http://projectmichelle.com/2010/03/20/continuing-michelles-legacy/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>12</slash:comments>
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		<item>
		<title>Services for this Saturday</title>
		<link>http://projectmichelle.com/2009/07/29/services-for-this-saturday/</link>
		<comments>http://projectmichelle.com/2009/07/29/services-for-this-saturday/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 29 Jul 2009 18:34:46 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>mabi</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://projectmichelle.com/?p=555</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[
Michelle&#8217;s main funeral service will begin at 1pm this Saturday 8/1 at Oak Hill Funeral Home in San Jose. We will be holding public, closed-casket visitation hours prior to the service beginning at 9:30am. Please see the schedule below for full details.
Oak Hill Funeral Home &#38; Memorial Park
300 Curtner Avenue
San Jose, CA  95125




Schedule of events:
9:30am &#8211; 1pm: [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://projectmichelle.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/michelle-baby.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-556 aligncenter" title="Baby Michelle" src="http://projectmichelle.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/michelle-baby.jpg" alt="" width="204" height="300" /></a></p>
<p>Michelle&#8217;s main funeral service will begin at <span style="color: #0000ff;">1pm this Saturday 8/1</span> at Oak Hill Funeral Home in San Jose. We will be holding public, closed-casket visitation hours prior to the service beginning at 9:30am. Please see the schedule below for full details.</p>
<p class="localAddressText" style="padding-left: 30px;"><span id="lblLocAddress" class="localAddressCaption"><a href="http://www.dignitymemorial.com/2473/LocalHome.aspx?id=home&amp;LocNumbNLang=2473&amp;LoadDefault=0">Oak Hill Funeral Home &amp; Memorial Park</a><br />
300 Curtner Avenue<br />
San Jose, CA  95125</span></p>
<p class="localAddressText" style="padding-left: 30px;">
<p class="localAddressText" style="padding-left: 30px;">
<p class="localAddressText" style="padding-left: 30px;">
<p class="localAddressText">
<p class="localAddressText">Schedule of events:</p>
<p class="localAddressText" style="padding-left: 30px;"><strong>9:30am &#8211; 1pm:</strong> Public closed-casket visitation</p>
<p class="localAddressText" style="padding-left: 60px;">* <strong>11am &#8211; 11:15am:</strong> Thai Buddhist Monk Chanting</p>
<p style="padding-left: 60px;">* <strong>11:15am &#8211; 12:15am:</strong> Vietnamese Buddhist Monk Chanting</p>
<p class="localAddressText" style="padding-left: 30px;"><strong>1pm &#8211; 2:30pm: </strong>Public closed-casket funeral service</p>
<p class="localAddressText" style="padding-left: 30px;"><strong>2:30pm: </strong>Procession to Crematory</p>
<p class="localAddressText" style="padding-left: 30px;"><strong>3:30pm &#8211; 6:30pm: </strong>Reception at Roosevelt Community Center (901 E Santa Clara St<br />
San Jose, CA 95116)</p>
<p class="localAddressText">Thank you for all of your condolences. We have received so many comments, emails, texts and calls that reinforce how special Michelle was to not just us, but everyone she touched. We look forward to celebrating Michelle&#8217;s life with all those who loved her.</p>
<p class="localAddressText">
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			<wfw:commentRss>http://projectmichelle.com/2009/07/29/services-for-this-saturday/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>27</slash:comments>
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		<item>
		<title>Celebrating Michelle&#8217;s life</title>
		<link>http://projectmichelle.com/2009/07/27/thank-you/</link>
		<comments>http://projectmichelle.com/2009/07/27/thank-you/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 27 Jul 2009 17:10:03 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>michelle</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://projectmichelle.com/?p=554</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Thank you to everyone for the outpouring of love that we have received since Michelle&#8217;s passing. Seeing the number of people that hold Michelle so close to their hearts provides a lot of comfort during these difficult days.

Yesterday marked the first night of ceremonies at the Fremont Thai temple, where Michelle spent all of her [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Thank you to everyone for the outpouring of love that we have received since Michelle&#8217;s passing. Seeing the number of people that hold Michelle so close to their hearts provides a lot of comfort during these difficult days.</p>
<p><img class="aligncenter" src="http://6.media.tumblr.com/yjhL7lREIqekrqjwHWMkmEYQo1_400.jpg" alt="" /></p>
<p>Yesterday marked the first night of ceremonies at the Fremont Thai temple, where Michelle spent all of her weekends practicing dance, making friendships, creating memories and maturing into a young woman. It was a beautiful service, and it was incredibly touching to see the faces of so many people who loved and supported Michelle. As the temple monks let out deep and melodic chants, their reverberations of prayer cast a peaceful sense of calmness over all of us.</p>
<p>There will be two additional nights of prayer today and tomorrow (7/27 and 7/28) at 7:30pm. Again, please feel free to attend regardless of your religious denomination:</p>
<p><strong><a class="l" title="Buddhanusorn Thai Temple" onmousedown="return clk(this.href,'','','res','1','')" href="http://www.watbuddha.org/">Buddhanusorn Thai Temple</a></strong><strong><br />
36054 Niles Blvd<br />
Fremont, CA 94536-1563</strong></p>
<p>We would like to thank Mr. Maykin, the Fremont Temple and the Thai community for holding these very special services.</p>
]]></content:encoded>
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		<slash:comments>18</slash:comments>
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		<item>
		<title>Michelle is in peace.</title>
		<link>http://projectmichelle.com/2009/07/25/michelle-is-in-peace/</link>
		<comments>http://projectmichelle.com/2009/07/25/michelle-is-in-peace/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sun, 26 Jul 2009 00:52:08 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>mabi</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://projectmichelle.com/?p=553</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[(Update from Mabel)
Surrounded by Van, her family and close friends, Michelle left us this morning at 2:08am.
Despite the tightness in her chest and difficulty breathing, Michelle still cracked jokes and put smiles on our faces until the very end. Always putting others before herself, her final wish was for us to love and care for [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>(Update from Mabel)</p>
<p>Surrounded by Van, her family and close friends, Michelle left us this morning at 2:08am.</p>
<p>Despite the tightness in her chest and difficulty breathing, Michelle still cracked jokes and put smiles on our faces until the very end. Always putting others before herself, her final wish was for us to love and care for one another. After so many setbacks and so much pain, she was finally able to close her eyes and find the relief that she could never attain during the past two years.</p>
<p>Words can&#8217;t express how proud we are of Michelle and all that she has accomplished during her short lifetime. She fought so hard—not just for herself, but for her family, friends and countless others who faced the same struggles. She shared her story candidly with the world in order to empower patients with more resources and to spread her message of hope.</p>
<p>Before her cough and infection became severe, we were fortunate enough to enjoy a weekend in Carmel with Michelle. The home we stayed at was beautifully secluded on a forested hill and provided us with amazing views of the Pacific coastline. We couldn’t have asked for a more perfect setting to share in laughter, memories and unspoken goodbyes.</p>
<p>Our good friend Hung created a slideshow of our Carmel getaway, which Michelle wanted us to share on the blog:</p>
<p><object classid="clsid:d27cdb6e-ae6d-11cf-96b8-444553540000" width="480" height="295" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=6,0,40,0"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true" /><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always" /><param name="src" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/WwjimuiF5_s&amp;hl=en&amp;fs=1&amp;" /><embed type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="460" height="295" src="http://www.youtube.com/v/WwjimuiF5_s&amp;hl=en&amp;fs=1&amp;" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true"></embed></object></p>
<p>Thank you to everyone for your endless love and support.</p>
<p>&#8212;-</p>
<p>The Fremont Buddhist Thai Temple will be holding a special Buddhist prayer ceremony in honor of Michelle tomorrow, Sunday 7/26 at 7pm. Please feel free to attend:</p>
<p class="r"><strong><a class="l" title="Buddhanusorn Thai Temple" onmousedown="return clk(this.href,'','','res','1','')" href="http://www.watbuddha.org/">Buddhanusorn Thai Temple</a><br />
36054 Niles Blvd<br />
Fremont, CA 94536-1563</strong></p>
<p class="r">The actual funeral proceedings will be held this coming Saturday 8/1 in San Jose. Details will be posted shortly.</p>
<p class="r">&#8212;&#8211;</p>
]]></content:encoded>
			<wfw:commentRss>http://projectmichelle.com/2009/07/25/michelle-is-in-peace/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>128</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>A Silver Lining</title>
		<link>http://projectmichelle.com/2009/07/08/a-silver-lining/</link>
		<comments>http://projectmichelle.com/2009/07/08/a-silver-lining/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 08 Jul 2009 21:58:49 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>michelle</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Project Michelle]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://projectmichelle.com/?p=545</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[


Check out photos of a card I received from AADP a few weeks ago.  I can&#8217;t believe 4 patients have already received stem cell transplants because of our Project Michelle efforts.  Note, that these stats are just from AADP.  I bet other Project Michelle drives outside of the SF Bay Area have [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href='http://projectmichelle.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/photo11.jpg'><img src="http://projectmichelle.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/photo11.jpg" alt="" title="Cover" width="225" height="300" class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-546" /></a></p>
<p><a href='http://projectmichelle.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/photo121.jpg'><img src="http://projectmichelle.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/photo121.jpg" alt="" title="Inside" width="300" height="225" class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-548" /></a></p>
<p><a href='http://projectmichelle.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/photo131.jpg'><img src="http://projectmichelle.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/photo131.jpg" alt="" title="Letter" width="225" height="300" class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-550" /></a></p>
<p>Check out photos of a card I received from AADP a few weeks ago.  I can&#8217;t believe 4 patients have already received stem cell transplants because of our Project Michelle efforts.  Note, that these stats are <em>just</em> from <a href="http://www.aadp.org/pages/main.php?pageid=1">AADP</a>.  I bet other Project Michelle drives outside of the SF Bay Area have also had success.  I would love to get a total count of the donors that registered at a Project Michelle drive that have donated their stem cells to save someone else&#8217;s life (I&#8217;m an auditor&#8230;.we like numbers).  I am so proud of all of the Project Michelle volunteers.  Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart.</p>
<p>I&#8217;m doing pretty good (mentally and physically) if I don&#8217;t say so myself.  My days are filled drinking all sorts of concoctions, doing hours of qi gong and praying.  This is a full time job, but I think it&#8217;s good to keep myself busy.  While I do have my moments of sadness, overall I feel calm and at peace.  This morning I had a blood draw and as I was walking out of the parking garage there was a couple hugging and blocking the stairwell.  Once they detached, I saw that the lady was pregnant and moaning.  SHE WAS GOING INTO LABOR.  The husband was very patient and encouraging.  I offered to get them a wheelchair, but the preggers wanted to walk to the hospital entrance (WOW tough cookie).  I said &#8220;Congrats!!!,&#8221; did some spirit fingers and went on my merry way.  It was the neatest thing I have seen in a long time.  I wish I could have seen the birth.  I definitely felt the love.  It totally made my day.  I figure if I can still appreciate and enjoy moments like that, I&#8217;m still doing ok.</p>
<p>p.s. I have the best hubby in the world.  This morning Nurse Sharee put it best when she said we&#8217;re like peanut butter and jelly. <img src='http://projectmichelle.com/wp-includes/images/smilies/icon_biggrin.gif' alt=':D' class='wp-smiley' />  </p>
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		<slash:comments>32</slash:comments>
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		<item>
		<title>Leaving No Stone Unturned</title>
		<link>http://projectmichelle.com/2009/07/03/leaving-no-stone-unturned/</link>
		<comments>http://projectmichelle.com/2009/07/03/leaving-no-stone-unturned/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 03 Jul 2009 08:32:59 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Van</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Medical Update]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://projectmichelle.com/?p=541</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[First, wanted to thank everyone for all the support. Your messages of encouragement, compassion and love mean a lot to Michelle and the family. This past week has been busy and stressful but has also been positive as we prepare for our last fight.
We&#8217;ve spent long days with our herbalist and have been diligent about [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>First, wanted to thank everyone for all the support. Your messages of encouragement, compassion and love mean a lot to Michelle and the family. This past week has been busy and stressful but has also been positive as we prepare for our last fight.</p>
<p>We&#8217;ve spent long days with our herbalist and have been diligent about all that he has asked us to do, which includes getting lots of rest, taking herbal medicine, practicing Qi/Chi Gong, and sticking to certain dietary restrictions. It truly is a comprehensive treatment plan that has been focused on building Michelle&#8217;s strength and is now transitioning to fighting her cancer. Considering that Michelle underwent a transplant 7 months ago and chemo just 21 days ago, it&#8217;s amazing how great she feels and looks. People that see her in person can&#8217;t even tell she&#8217;s sick, except for the fact that she has a bald (and beautiful) head.</p>
<p>On the Western medical front, we&#8217;ve been working on ensuring that there indeed were no other options, as our oncologist had indicated last Friday. We&#8217;ve traded emails and spoken with doctors in Seattle who have helped us evaluate the viability of Clofarabine, a more standard chemotherapy agent, and Mylotarg, a &#8220;targeted&#8221; chemotherapy agent. We&#8217;ll spare everyone the details&#8230;the end result of lots of research and discussion is that both drugs <em>could</em> work for Michelle but aren&#8217;t very promising. We&#8217;ve heard words like &#8220;rare,&#8221; &#8220;long shot,&#8221; and &#8220;hail mary.&#8221; The overall conclusions in Seattle are that if we choose to continue fighting with Western tools, it&#8217;s NOT unreasonable to think they could be successful, but we must be aware of the risks, which could be fatal. Ultimately, we could be shortening Michelle&#8217;s life even more with these desperate measures. Lastly, we also had a consult today with another oncologist at Kaiser who essentially agreed that it was best not to pursue these other options.</p>
<p>So, although these are never terms or conclusions you want to hear associated with your remaining life-saving options, it has been important for us know where exactly we stand so that we can more confidently commit to our Eastern treatment without second-guessing ourselves. One of my goals this week was to make sure there was nothing compelling out there that we didn&#8217;t know about, and I think this goal has been achieved. For all those individuals that helped me by staying up late at night, helping me think things through, pulling favors with colleagues, poring over medical research, etc., words can&#8217;t express the gratitude I feel. Thank you so much.</p>
<p>Lastly, I just want to say that although we understand the position we&#8217;re in today, we remain hopeful. There are so many success stories walking in and out of our herbalist&#8217;s center every day. It&#8217;s absolutely amazing. We hope we&#8217;re the next ones. With this in mind, we&#8217;ve been able to stay remarkably light-hearted. We cry a lot but we laugh more. For every sad moment that we share during the day, we have many more where I step back and realize how much our family and friends love Michelle and each other. We&#8217;ve been given a rare gift&#8230;a sort of advance warning that is truly bittersweet. We&#8217;re going to relish the sweet and worry about the rest later.</p>
<p><a href='http://projectmichelle.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/m-biting-m1.jpg'><img src="http://projectmichelle.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/m-biting-m1.jpg" alt="" title="M&#038;M1" width="300" height="200" class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-544" /></a></p>
<p><a href="http://projectmichelle.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/mm.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-543" title="M&amp;M2" src="http://projectmichelle.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/mm.jpg" alt="" width="300" height="200" /></a> </p>
]]></content:encoded>
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		<slash:comments>34</slash:comments>
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		<item>
		<title>How Do You Know When to Stop Fighting?</title>
		<link>http://projectmichelle.com/2009/06/29/how-do-you-know-when-to-stop-fighting/</link>
		<comments>http://projectmichelle.com/2009/06/29/how-do-you-know-when-to-stop-fighting/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 29 Jun 2009 10:51:49 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Van</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Medical Update]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://projectmichelle.com/?p=539</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[This past Monday, one of our biggest fears started to materialize when we saw that Michelle’s daily CBC showed 8% blast cells in her peripheral blood. A feeling of disbelief came over me. Could this really be happening merely 10 days after her last bag of chemo? Our doctor told us to wait a few [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>This past Monday, one of our biggest fears started to materialize when we saw that Michelle’s daily CBC showed 8% blast cells in her peripheral blood. A feeling of disbelief came over me. Could this really be happening merely 10 days after her last bag of chemo? Our doctor told us to wait a few more days before getting too scared. Tuesday  – 0%. Good. Maybe the Monday CBC was just a fluke. Wednesday – 1%. Okay, so maybe we’re just dealing with some random floating blast cells. Nothing another round of chemo couldn’t fix. Thursday – 6%. Friday – 12%. Shit. </p>
<p>Looking back on the past week, I guess I had naively blocked out the implications of what blast cells really meant for us. I sort of carried on hoping we could do more chemo. But on Friday, Michelle and I had an all too sobering and surreal meeting with our oncologist Dr. Johnson. Simply put, Michelle’s cancer had proven to be chemo-resistant. This was no more apparent than after this past round of chemo. It’d be one thing if Michelle had reached remission and her blasts didn’t show up for another few months. That’d at least give us time to do some more chemo and get ready for another transplant. But after 10 total rounds of chemo since 2007 and after two relapses, you have to start facing what your body is telling you after your cancer comes back within 10 days.</p>
<p>I asked him what else, if anything, he could offer us?  All he could do was prescribe Hydrea/ Hydroxyurea – a drug that just interferes with the growth of cancer cells. Basically, a way to extend Michelle’s life for a little bit longer.  Not a cure.</p>
<p>And then Michelle asked him how long he thought she had even with Hydrea. I saw Dr. Johnson hesitate. Of course, this was not a question he truly wanted to answer. Not only is it difficult for doctors to predict anyone’s fate but no doctor wants to tell their 27-year old patient how much more time they have to live. Reluctantly, he answered his best guess:  4-6 weeks. When I heard him utter the word “weeks,” a cold feeling came over my body. I started panicking inside…tears flowing down my face. Weeks? I would’ve bet anything he was going to say months. Michelle looks so good…so healthy. It doesn’t make any sense.</p>
<p>I don’t know how you’re supposed to feel or process that type of news, and I guess you’re never really prepared for something like this. The best way I can describe it as is a scene from a movie. I glanced over at Michelle and then at Dr. Johnson and then turned back to Michelle – tears now running down her face.</p>
<p>Without exchanging words, Michelle and I were on the same page. I asked Dr. Johnson if he would support us if we explored Eastern treatment and he agreed. Despite traditional Western medicine failing, we knew we could still turn to Eastern medicine for one last shot.  So now, our plan is to commit even more time and energy to our Vietnamese herbalist.  Up to this point, we had only asked him to complement Michelle’s western treatments. Now, we would ask him to help cure her.</p>
<p>Tomorrow, we are going to make a few calls to other hospitals to make sure we are not missing anything else in terms of Western treatments. I hope we find something intriguing, but realistically, I don’t think we’ll learn about anything compelling enough for us to want to break down Michelle’s body more and risk putting her in a state where even our Vietnamese doctor can’t help. We feel lucky that Michelle is even out of the hospital after this last round of chemo. In fact, Dr. Johnson was afraid she would never get out and that she would be in hospital for months as that had been his experience with other patients going through the same thing.</p>
<p>So how do you know when to stop fighting? That’s the question that’s been running through my mind the past 64 hours. I understand though that I can’t answer that question for Michelle. If it was up to me, she would keep fighting until she had nothing left. But that’s because I’m afraid of being left here without her by my side. My heart aches when I think about the void and emptiness I would experience. I just don’t want my life to be drastically and forever altered.</p>
<p>For now though, I am relieved that Michelle is not ready to give up. She’s realistic about the future but still holds out hope that a miracle can happen. From a selfish perspective, that’s all I can ask for.</p>
<p>Before Michelle went to bed, I asked her if there was any message she wanted conveyed in this post. She just wants everyone to know that she’s doing well. And that she’s okay.</p>
<p>She’s mentioned several times this weekend a sense of relief. I can only guess that’s how one feels after fighting for one’s life and going through this for so long. Whereas everyone around her can escape, Michelle can’t.  She goes to sleep every night with anxiety over the cancer inside her body. And she wakes up every morning realizing this long nightmare continues.</p>
<p>This past Friday was my birthday and Michelle had already planned a joint birthday celebration for her best friend Mabel, our good friend Eric, and me. Michelle didn’t want to let this news drag us down so she pushed us to still go out and celebrate our birthdays. She even came out.  I can’t remember the last time Michelle’s been out to a bar. She said f it. The theme was “I heart the 90’s.”</p>
<p><a href='http://projectmichelle.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/img_4450.jpg'><img src="http://projectmichelle.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/img_4450.jpg" alt="" title="I Heart 90\&#039;s" width="300" height="225" class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-540" /></a></p>
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		<slash:comments>75</slash:comments>
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		<title>I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings</title>
		<link>http://projectmichelle.com/2009/06/17/i-know-why-the-caged-bird-sings/</link>
		<comments>http://projectmichelle.com/2009/06/17/i-know-why-the-caged-bird-sings/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 17 Jun 2009 15:43:03 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>michelle</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Medical Update]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://projectmichelle.com/?p=537</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[I&#8217;m free (sort of)!  It feels good to be home.  Overall my stay at Hotel Kaiser was fine.  My fever went away by Friday evening and I really think that if my oncologist was on-call he would have discharged me over the weekend.  In any case, I got discharged on Monday.  I have daily blood [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I&#8217;m free (sort of)!  It feels good to be home.  Overall my stay at Hotel Kaiser was fine.  My fever went away by Friday evening and I really think that if my oncologist was on-call he would have discharged me over the weekend.  In any case, I got discharged on Monday.  I have daily blood draws.  Yesterday my platelets were at 7 so I got a transfusion.  For the first time in over a year I had an allergic reaction.  In the past I basically break out into hives and become an itchy ball of fire.  However, yesterday my left eye became irritated.  It got red and puffed up.  My nostrils immediately plugged up.  I also had an itchy throat, tightness in my chest and a dry cough.  I felt sorry for the lady sitting across from me.  She just started chemo and already looked scared.  I tried to comfort her, but then I had the allergic reaction which was not a pretty sight.  I kept telling her that I was fine, but I don&#8217;t think I was very convincing.  haha</p>
<p>Counts are all low, but that means the chemo is working.  All in all, I&#8217;m a happy camper.  No blues for this gal today.</p>
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		<slash:comments>9</slash:comments>
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		<title>Happy Birthday Dear Mom &amp; Marshawn</title>
		<link>http://projectmichelle.com/2009/06/14/happy-birthday-dear-mom-marshawn/</link>
		<comments>http://projectmichelle.com/2009/06/14/happy-birthday-dear-mom-marshawn/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sun, 14 Jun 2009 19:53:09 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>mabi</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://projectmichelle.com/?p=534</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[My fever went away Friday night, but since my oncologist isn&#8217;t working this weekend, the on-call doctor doesn&#8217;t feel comfortable letting me out of my jail cell. I am sure I&#8217;ll get released tomorrow. The chemo seems to be doing its job. Yay! My wbcs were 32 when i got admitted (high) but plunged after [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>My fever went away Friday night, but since my oncologist isn&#8217;t working this weekend, the on-call doctor doesn&#8217;t feel comfortable letting me out of my jail cell. I am sure I&#8217;ll get released tomorrow. The chemo seems to be doing its job. Yay! My wbcs were 32 when i got admitted (high) but plunged after i received my cocktail. Today, it&#8217;s at 0.5 even after my Neulasta shot yesterday morning.  Along with the drop in wbcs also comes drops in all counts across the board. In just the last few days, I&#8217;ve received 4 units of blood and two bags of platelets. I think I might be turning into a benadryl addict because I get excited when I get it. It&#8217;s nice to be mentally numb in Lalaland and get some delicious naps in.</p>
<p>I think my chemo cocktail might have been spiked with Serotonin because I feel content and calm. It&#8217;s nice and peaceful here. Check out my window view.</p>
<p><a href='http://projectmichelle.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/view.jpg'><img src="http://projectmichelle.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/view.jpg" alt="" title="View" width="225" height="300" class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-535" /></a></p>
<p>Fortunately, no nausea or mouth sores. Just some loose stool which is a small price to pay for chemo.</p>
<p>The biggest bummer is that I missed my mom&#8217;s and Marshawn&#8217;s bday again on 6/11 and 6/14. We took my mom out on Monday for an early bday dinner. Today, Van is going to take our little guy to a yorkie meetup in SF. He deserves a day to himself because he always brings joy to everyone. It&#8217;s a Luau themed Pawty &#8211; cute eh?</p>
<p>So far so good.<br />
Michelle</p>
<p><a href='http://projectmichelle.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/napping.jpg'><img src="http://projectmichelle.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/napping.jpg" alt="" title="Sleeping In on My Birthday" width="300" height="225" class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-536" /></a></p>
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		<slash:comments>6</slash:comments>
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		<title>Done with Chemo but Still in Hospital</title>
		<link>http://projectmichelle.com/2009/06/13/done-with-chemo-but-still-in-hospital/</link>
		<comments>http://projectmichelle.com/2009/06/13/done-with-chemo-but-still-in-hospital/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sat, 13 Jun 2009 22:10:21 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Van</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://projectmichelle.com/?p=533</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Michelle received her third and last dose of MEC chemo on Thursday night. If all had gone well, she would&#8217;ve been discharged on Friday afternoon and been able to go home. Unfortunately, she developed a fever a couple of days prior to being admitted into the hospital, and the fever has persisted. Because our oncologist [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Michelle received her third and last dose of MEC chemo on Thursday night. If all had gone well, she would&#8217;ve been discharged on Friday afternoon and been able to go home. Unfortunately, she developed a fever a couple of days prior to being admitted into the hospital, and the fever has persisted. Because our oncologist doesn&#8217;t want her to leave until the fever is gone, it doesn&#8217;t look like Michelle will be released until Monday at the earliest.</p>
<p>Meanwhile, Michelle has received plenty of platelet and blood transfusions. The chemo has dropped her counts very quickly. She&#8217;s also had two visits from her herbalist who drove all the way from San Jose to Walnut Creek to see her (thanks Dr. Ta!).</p>
<p>Overall though, Michelle is feeling pretty good &#8212; good energy (she walks every day) and is alert most of the day unless she&#8217;s been hit with IV benadryl.</p>
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			<wfw:commentRss>http://projectmichelle.com/2009/06/13/done-with-chemo-but-still-in-hospital/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>4</slash:comments>
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		<title>I swallowed the Bitter pill</title>
		<link>http://projectmichelle.com/2009/06/08/i-swallowed-the-bitter-pill/</link>
		<comments>http://projectmichelle.com/2009/06/08/i-swallowed-the-bitter-pill/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 08 Jun 2009 20:36:59 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>michelle</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Medical Update]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://projectmichelle.com/?p=532</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[I have been way more emotional over the last couple of weeks.  This is worst than the mood swings I got from Prednisone in Seattle.  There is no doubt I have been enjoying my free time before I start re-re-induction, but there are moments when I feel blue.  Not a sad mopey blue, but a [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I have been way more emotional over the last couple of weeks.  This is worst than the mood swings I got from Prednisone in Seattle.  There is no doubt I have been enjoying my free time before I start re-re-induction, but there are moments when I feel blue.  Not a sad mopey blue, but a fiery bitter blue &#8211; angry at the world and pissed off that life is so unfair.  Recently Mabel told me that there have been a few times that I have totally caught her off guard by some of the negative things that come out of my mouth.  Most times I keep them to myself or share them only with my therapist because I too am shocked at the dark thoughts that cloud my head.  For example, at a wedding I saw a bunch of guests smoking outside.  I felt so bitter that they were actively/knowingly damaging their bodies and they aren&#8217;t the ones dealing with cancer.  I also decided that although I loooove weddings, I don&#8217;t want to attend anymore for a while.  At weddings of course I feel happy for the bride and groom, but a part of me feels gypped/jealous because I never got the wedding that I dreamed of.  People tell me that I can throw one anytime I want, but honestly I don&#8217;t want to have a reception with this dark cancer cloud over my head.  As vain as this might sound, I don&#8217;t want to be a bald bride.</p>
<p>Ugh I just read the paragraph above and there is so much negative energy.  I feel like a bad person, but I think I have the right to blame cancer for my temporary darkened heart.  My sister Mel used to call me Drizella when I was demanding, catty and moody and she was CinderMella.  It&#8217;s about time Drizella takes a hike!  Thanks for listening to me vent.  I strangely feel better.</p>
<p>On the medical front we are still good to go to get admitted tomorrow.  My blasts are 71% in my peripheral blood and my wbcs are 27.6.  It&#8217;s about time for a beat down&#8230;.</p>
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			<wfw:commentRss>http://projectmichelle.com/2009/06/08/i-swallowed-the-bitter-pill/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>20</slash:comments>
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		<title>Chemo delayed til Tuesday, June 9th</title>
		<link>http://projectmichelle.com/2009/06/06/chemo-delayed-til-tuesday-june-9th/</link>
		<comments>http://projectmichelle.com/2009/06/06/chemo-delayed-til-tuesday-june-9th/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sat, 06 Jun 2009 17:20:34 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>mabi</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://projectmichelle.com/?p=531</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Yay!
]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Yay!</p>
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			<wfw:commentRss>http://projectmichelle.com/2009/06/06/chemo-delayed-til-tuesday-june-9th/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>9</slash:comments>
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		<title>Intervention Leukemia Party</title>
		<link>http://projectmichelle.com/2009/06/01/intervention-leukemia-party/</link>
		<comments>http://projectmichelle.com/2009/06/01/intervention-leukemia-party/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 01 Jun 2009 07:45:26 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>michelle</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Medical Update]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://projectmichelle.com/?p=529</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[
If you watch How I Met Your Mother then you&#8217;ll understand the Intervention party Mabel threw for me today.  I was caught off guard and could not stop bawling when I saw all of my friends at the surprise party.  My dear pals read aloud letters written to intervene my relationship with Leuk [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="http://projectmichelle.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/img_4132.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-530" title="img_4132" src="http://projectmichelle.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/img_4132.jpg" alt="" width="300" height="225" /></a></p>
<p>If you watch <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_i_met_your_mother">How I Met Your Mother</a> then you&#8217;ll understand the Intervention party Mabel threw for me today.  I was caught off guard and could not stop bawling when I saw all of my friends at the surprise party.  My dear pals read aloud letters written to intervene my relationship with Leuk and end it once and for all.  This was the best gift I could ever ask for as I prepare for chemo in the upcoming weeks.  THANK YOU.</p>
<p>My oncologist and I decided I would try Sprycel before I start chemo to see if the Sprycel works on my cancer.  I started taking it last Monday 5/25.  My leukemia blasts cells were 52% in my peripheral blood when I started Sprycel and has dropped to 34% and then 31% over the last 5 days (my wbcs were 22.1, 16.9 and 16.7 respectively).  However, the Sprycel and Leuk have also made my counts drop.  I received blood and platelet transfusions last week.  Despite this, my oncologists thinks the drop in my blasts and wbcs is a good sign that Sprycel is effective.  On Friday he suggested that I reconsider enjoying a little more quality time before I start chemo if Sprycel can keep things under control.  He believes that waiting a few more weeks will not change the effectiveness of the chemo on my cancer.  His offer is mighty tempting as the longer I hold out on chemo, the more I am dreading chemo.  I love my short curly locks and the luxury of hanging out with my peeps (especially snuggling with Marshawn).  Plus Dr. Johnson warned me that once I start chemo, it may be a very long time before I recover.  My new immune system and baby stem cells (remember my old ones got fried with radiation/chemo so I could get the transplant?) may have a tougher time recovering and protecting me from infections as the chemo wipes out my counts as it takes down the cancer.</p>
<p>I am still set to enter the hospital this Tuesday, but if my blood counts look good on Monday I may hold off just another week.  Van&#8217;s family is coming into town and it would be lovely to spend time with my favorite nieces and nephew.  I am a bit freaked out knowing that cancer is lurking in my body and that I haven&#8217;t press the GO button on <strong>Operation Three Strikes You&#8217;re Out Leuk</strong>.  Am I a mad woman??  Or in denial?  Or being stupid??  I have been having this debate in my head all weekend long.  I am trying to be as rational as possible so that I do not regret the decision I make.  For the first time in my cancer journey I feel like I don&#8217;t have a clear path and I am afraid I am going to make the wrong decision.  People keep telling me to listen to my intuition/body/gut for guidance, but honestly my intuition is as confused as I am!</p>
<p>If I do decide to delay chemo for another week I will get blood draws every other day to ensure that my counts are in the safe zone and I promise I will not hesitate to check myself into Kaiser if something is funky.</p>
<p>Will keep you posted.</p>
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		<slash:comments>13</slash:comments>
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		<title>My thoughts</title>
		<link>http://projectmichelle.com/2009/05/13/my-thoughts/</link>
		<comments>http://projectmichelle.com/2009/05/13/my-thoughts/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 13 May 2009 22:34:13 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>michelle</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Medical Update]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://projectmichelle.com/?p=528</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[At last week&#8217;s appointment my local oncologist gave me three options:
1. Re-induction chemo and if I get into remission, do a 2nd transplant
2. Take Sprycel to see if the medicine can extend my life (My Leukemia is C-KIT+ (cd117+) which Sprycel can be effective on.  *This is not a long term cure)
3. Do nothing, [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>At last week&#8217;s appointment my local oncologist gave me three options:<br />
1. Re-induction chemo and if I get into remission, do a 2nd transplant<br />
2. Take <a href="http://www.drugs.com/sprycel.html">Sprycel</a> to see if the medicine can extend my life (My Leukemia is C-KIT+ (cd117+) which Sprycel can be effective on.  *This is not a long term cure)<br />
3. Do nothing, monitor the disease and enjoy the time I have left.  He used words like &#8220;vacation&#8221;, &#8220;trip&#8221;, &#8220;cruise&#8221; a bunch of times.  </p>
<p>My local oncologist wanted me to understand that my Leukemia is extremely resistant.  I have received the strongest treatments (chemo, radiation, etc.) to kill my cancer, but it keeps coming back.  He warned me that enduring more treatment could be detrimental to my quality of life and he guaranteed that Leuk would come back.  However, he did say that I needed to make this decision based on my heart and my own intuition.  He would support me 110% with whatever I decide.</p>
<p>Although I greatly respect his opinion, at this point, I refuse to give up.  I am only 27 years old.  There is no vacation I want to go on before I die (I wouldn&#8217;t enjoy it with this dark cloud hovering over me.).  I am not in denial.  I understand that we are in unchartered territory and I am up against a ginormous wall.  However, I am not fighting to live for a few more months.  I AM fighting to cure myself of this horrible disease so I can enjoy life until I&#8217;m gray and old.  I want to be there to support Van as he becomes an established businessman, to applaud Melanie at her graduation from med school, to be in the delivery room and welcome Melissa&#8217;s future babies into the world, to join a senior citizen bowling team with my BFF Mabel, etc.  I would rather die fighting than throwing in the towel.</p>
<p>Tomorrow I meet with my doctor to discuss my decision.  We will probably start chemo in 2 weeks (after my close friends&#8217; wedding).  I know delaying my chemo is risky, but this wedding is the only thing that I dreamed about going to before I left for Seattle.  My heart is set on attending.  Plus my cancer has been progressing slower than my oncologists had expected and my counts have remained stable.  I feel strong and energized.  But I&#8217;m no fool, if my counts take a deep plunge in the upcoming weeks, I will start chemo immediately.</p>
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		<slash:comments>54</slash:comments>
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		<title>M^4 Power (My Mini Mental Meltdown)</title>
		<link>http://projectmichelle.com/2009/05/07/m4-power-my-mini-mental-meltdown/</link>
		<comments>http://projectmichelle.com/2009/05/07/m4-power-my-mini-mental-meltdown/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 07 May 2009 18:31:50 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>michelle</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Medical Update]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://projectmichelle.com/?p=527</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[These past few weeks, we&#8217;ve been helping my mom move out of the house we grew up in and into a place closer to her work (which also happens to be my hospital).  Yesterday I found my senior yearbook that I hadn&#8217;t seen in years.  On the first page I flipped to, I [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>These past few weeks, we&#8217;ve been helping my mom move out of the house we grew up in and into a place closer to her work (which also happens to be my hospital).  Yesterday I found my senior yearbook that I hadn&#8217;t seen in years.  On the first page I flipped to, I read a note from a girl, who&#8217;s mom just happens to be one of my current infusion nurses (small freaking world).  She wrote, &#8220;Michelle, you&#8217;re one of the nicest people I&#8217;ve ever known.  Good luck with life&#8217;s challenges.&#8221;  </p>
<p>I thought to myself &#8220;Wow such wise words.&#8221;  In all the other messages my schoolmates wrote about future successes, accomplishments, ambitions, opportunities, etc.  No one else mentioned life&#8217;s challenges.  No one thinks about future hardships when they are young.  I surely didn&#8217;t.</p>
<p>I always thought Van and I would grow old together.  In college, whenever I saw an old Asian couple on the bus, I would smile and dream that that would be Van and me one day.  He would wear those Kangol caps that old men wear and I would have my gray hair tied in a bun.  Maybe one of us would be using a cane.  Now I&#8217;ll be lucky if I even reach my thirtieth birthday.  My yearbook review made me feel sorry for myself and bitter.  &#8220;Why me?!?&#8221; was the question of the day.</p>
<p>I was lamenting all of this to my sister.  Luckily Melanie was there to hug it out with me.  She&#8217;s really the best person to be with when I feel crappy.  Only she would think to show me this to dry my tears:<br />
<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/azhgVB5uXlo&#038;hl=en&#038;fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/azhgVB5uXlo&#038;hl=en&#038;fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object></p>
<p>Today I feel much better.  Now I&#8217;m off to my appointment with Dr. Johnson to get ready for my upcoming life challenges.  Here we go&#8230;</p>
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		<slash:comments>15</slash:comments>
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		<title>Biopsy Results &#8211; 30% Too Much</title>
		<link>http://projectmichelle.com/2009/05/01/biopsy-results-30-too-much/</link>
		<comments>http://projectmichelle.com/2009/05/01/biopsy-results-30-too-much/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sat, 02 May 2009 06:31:03 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Van</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Medical Update]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://projectmichelle.com/?p=526</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[We got the results from the biopsy yesterday and they aren&#8217;t good. Michelle has 30% blast cells in her marrow which means she is not in remission and we&#8217;re going to have to be more aggressive.
We have a general idea of what&#8217;s to come. First step is some sort of chemotherapy to get her in [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>We got the results from the biopsy yesterday and they aren&#8217;t good. Michelle has 30% blast cells in her marrow which means she is not in remission and we&#8217;re going to have to be more aggressive.</p>
<p>We have a general idea of what&#8217;s to come. First step is some sort of chemotherapy to get her in remission. If this succeeds, she may do another transplant (if that is the course of action we determine is best). Details on transplant are TBD but it would definitely be in Seattle.</p>
<p>Michelle&#8217;s case will be presented to a broader group of doctors in Seattle, and we will get more official recommendations (specific chemotherapy regimen, pros/cons of another transplant, etc.) from our medical team next week. We&#8217;re guessing that chemo will start late next week or early the following week depending on which drug they want to use and which hospital can administer it. We are hoping we can stay in the bay area for this round of chemo so that we can at least spend the next 2 months close to family and friends.</p>
<p>Michelle is doing okay with the news. She&#8217;s definitely scared&#8230;dreading the thought of going through another transplant&#8230;feeling guilt with how this impacts everyone&#8217;s lives&#8230;.feeling sad about leaving family, friends and Marshawn. Overall, she&#8217;s doing well, and physically, she feels and looks great. And most importantly, she hasn&#8217;t lost the desire to keep fighting for her life. There ain&#8217;t no quit in this girl.</p>
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		<title>Rest in peace Carolyn</title>
		<link>http://projectmichelle.com/2009/04/27/rest-in-peace-carolyn/</link>
		<comments>http://projectmichelle.com/2009/04/27/rest-in-peace-carolyn/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 27 Apr 2009 22:51:20 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>michelle</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Other Fighters]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://projectmichelle.com/?p=525</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[As we drove to my biopsy today I thought about my dear friend Carolyn Tam.   She was a fellow cancer warrior from Canada.  We exchanged many encouraging emails and I always enjoyed our gmail exchanges.    Although we never got to give each other a hug in person,  I was inspired by her drive, optimism [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>As we drove to my biopsy today I thought about my dear friend <a href="http://savecarolyn.wordpress.com/">Carolyn Tam</a>.   She was a fellow cancer warrior from Canada.  We exchanged many encouraging emails and I always enjoyed our gmail exchanges.    Although we never got to give each other a hug in person,  I was inspired by her drive, optimism and energy.  She was one (very beautiful) tough cookie and endured <em>many</em> obstacles throughout her treatment.  Even during the toughest times, there was always hope in her voice.  She never ever gave up.</p>
<p>I woke up several times last night with butterflies in my stomach because of today&#8217;s biopsy procedure.  Normally I sit on pins and needles until my results come in, but after the procedure I feel strangely calm and grounded.  Like Carolyn, no matter what my results reveal, I will not give up.  I will continue to fight.  There is too much to live for.</p>
<p>In memory of Carolyn, please get your friends, family, and anyone else you know registered on the bone marrow registry.   Thank you.</p>
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		<title>A Glimpse of Michelle from Another Perspective</title>
		<link>http://projectmichelle.com/2009/04/22/a-glimpse-of-michelle-from-another-perspective/</link>
		<comments>http://projectmichelle.com/2009/04/22/a-glimpse-of-michelle-from-another-perspective/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 22 Apr 2009 23:25:21 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Van</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://projectmichelle.com/?p=524</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[A blog entry written by a friend:
I often forget that of the hundreds and thousands of eyes that come upon this site, most have probably not met Michelle in person.  I have the fortune of calling Michelle and Van my friends and I’m lucky enough to get to hang out with this awesome duo [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><strong>A blog entry written by a friend:</strong></p>
<p>I often forget that of the hundreds and thousands of eyes that come upon this site, most have probably not met Michelle in person.  I have the fortune of calling Michelle and Van my friends and I’m lucky enough to get to hang out with this awesome duo every so often.  And although you haven’t had a chance to meet them in person, you’ve grown to know them through this website.  I asked Michelle if I could write a quick blog to provide you a glimpse into her life.  I imagine it to be exhausting for such an unselfish person like Michelle to constantly write about herself, so when I asked, she complied. </p>
<p>I visited Michelle recently at her mom’s house and she looked like, well, Michelle (minus some hair).  I was expecting a physically and emotionally exhausted cancer patient and instead, I found my buddy Michelle, the same Michelle I’ve known for years, sitting on her bed, relaxed and laughing at the absurdity of a reality show on TV.  I didn’t know what to expect myself and admit that my own emotional fragility made me apprehensive about seeing my friend in her relapsed state.   </p>
<p>Michelle is surrounded by a variety of bags and plates of food, her sister Melanie and Kevin, Marshawn, and her mom.  Amidst the scene, her mom frequently pops in to make sure everyone, especially Michelle, is fed and comfortable.  Everyone is paying an absurd amount of attention to little Marshawn, and soon I join the fray.  Before this leukemia business decided to lurk into her life, I would come over to Michelle and Van’s apartment to mooch off of their DVR, and would find them lounging on their couches, watching their favorite shows, munching on snacks, (recently) teaching Marshawn new tricks and providing their blunt commentary.  This visit was no different, except that Van was away for a buddy’s wedding.   </p>
<p>So on to the objective of this blog entry: what do you not know about Michelle?  Well, Michelle is blunt.  She’ll always tell you like it is.  And it happens to be that I’ve been traveling a lot lately, so she comments, “You look tired.  You have bags under your eyes.”  To which I reply, “You’re totally right.  I’ve been working a lot lately”.  To vouch for her bluntness, I really have been looking like crap lately. </p>
<p>Michelle has sharp taste buds.  Her tongue and nose have always been able to discern the subtle nuances in food.  She can tell you what spices are in what, what’s too rich, what’s just right and Yelp about it immediately.  The chemo has thrown her epithelium amok, and despite her previous hatred of rich, creamy foods, she explains to me that she often finds herself craving those very things.  Ironically, she no longer craves the Vietnamese food that she and I can often talk on and on about.  So of course, I enjoy a bowl of pho made by her mom right in front of her and she tries not to smell it and become nauseous. </p>
<p>As the minutes go by, I find myself completely at ease with Michelle.  Another thing you don’t know about her, but she’s one of the most even-keeled people I know.  She takes on challenges as easily as walking down the street.  Chinese drink made of herbs (it’s not as pleasant as it sounds…it’s black, thick and really pungent), no problem!  She quickly drinks it before my eyes. I take a sip and nearly hurl.   </p>
<p>I wouldn’t feign to understand what emotional and mental exercises she must go through daily, but what I do know is that from the ups and downs, she continues to handle it in her own way.  I guess the best way to describe this is that she’s seems to be at peace with herself.  She simply exudes this in every way.  Michelle manages to take my apprehension about her relapse, my concerns, my worries, all of my anxieties and tuck them away neatly somewhere in my full tummy of beef and noodles.  I simply indulge in hanging out with my buddy, not my buddy with cancer, on a warm California night.   </p>
<p>We talk about a broad range of trivial topics in between scatterings of discussions of the melodramatic things that plague the life of 20-somethings…the meaning of life, relationships (or a lack thereof), careers. The minutes prove to be an unrelenting force and I can see Michelle’s eyes get heavier.  It’s about that time to say goodbye.   </p>
<p>She walks me downstairs and I give her an obligatory noogie on her soft head.  The door shuts behind me, I sit in my rental and immediately realize how much I enjoy hanging out with Michelle in the most ordinary of circumstances.  This is exactly why Michelle has her legions of fans: from the most complex situations to the most ordinary circumstances, she somehow manages to make every moment she shares with you extraordinary. I can’t help but feel a sense of happiness and warmth as I drive away.</p>
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		<title>Update &#8211; Day 150ish (I&#8217;ve lost count)</title>
		<link>http://projectmichelle.com/2009/04/20/update-day-150ish-ive-lost-count/</link>
		<comments>http://projectmichelle.com/2009/04/20/update-day-150ish-ive-lost-count/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 20 Apr 2009 20:16:01 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>michelle</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://projectmichelle.com/?p=523</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[My counts remain stable except for my hemoglobin.  My wbcs are around 3.8 &#8211; 4.0 which I think shows that my immune system is getting stronger.  I got a red blood cell transfusion last Tuesday and it gave me a boost of energy (I am realizing that headaches start when my hemoglobin starts to drop).  [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>My counts remain stable except for my hemoglobin.  My wbcs are around 3.8 &#8211; 4.0 which I think shows that my immune system is getting stronger.  I got a red blood cell transfusion last Tuesday and it gave me a boost of energy (I am realizing that headaches start when my hemoglobin starts to drop).  I went overboard on some kettlecorn last Friday (fresh from the farmer&#8217;s market, DELISH!) and threw up, but other than that no nausea or vomiting.  The skin GVHD is being managed by my topical steroid cream and it doesn&#8217;t bother me at all.  I&#8217;ve almost completely de-puffed in my face and am back to my original weight pre-transplant.   Man, if my last biopsy didn&#8217;t say I had relapsed, I&#8217;d think that all is well.</p>
<p>It&#8217;s nice having the energy to get things done.  Recently Van and I did our taxes (1st time as a married couple &#8211; YIKES it still sounds weird when I call him my &#8220;husband&#8221;).  I&#8217;m finally caught up on all of my mail, medical bills, unpacking from Seattle, applying for <a href="http://lls.org/hm_lls">LLS</a> financial aid, responding to emails and reconnecting with friends.  I also treated myself and went to the mall to get an outfit for our good friends&#8217; upcoming wedding.  Trying to find a dress to cover my hickman line is a lot harder than you would think!  I can&#8217;t express how happy I am that I&#8217;m not stuck in bed these days.  The Cali sunny weather has done a bit of good on my spirits.</p>
<p>The Big Biopsy Day is next Monday and I&#8217;ve been doing loads of visualizations, self hypnosis and praying to ensure that all goes well.  I continue to see the Chinese herbalist doctor weekly.  In addition to weaning off most of my drugs, I think the herbal medicine has helped a lot.  Update* I forgot to mention that my Kaiser oncologist was the one who referred me to the Chinese herbalist doctor.  My oncologist actually gets treated by the Chinese doctor and the referral gave him the credibility I needed to trust him.  It&#8217;s great because my oncologist and my Chinese herbalist talk to each other to make sure that they are on the same page with my treatments.</p>
<p>Thanks for checking in on me.</p>
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		<title>Having Some Fun While in Limbo</title>
		<link>http://projectmichelle.com/2009/04/14/having-some-fun-while-in-limbo/</link>
		<comments>http://projectmichelle.com/2009/04/14/having-some-fun-while-in-limbo/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 14 Apr 2009 08:47:15 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Van</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Medical Update]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://projectmichelle.com/?p=511</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[The past two weeks have been stable on the medical front and that has been a very welcome sign. There haven&#8217;t been any unexpected surprises in terms of Michelle&#8217;s counts. It&#8217;s been over 6 weeks since Michelle relapsed, and the odds were that these cancerous cells would multiply rapidly. I&#8217;ll give you an example of [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>The past two weeks have been stable on the medical front and that has been a very welcome sign. There haven&#8217;t been any unexpected surprises in terms of Michelle&#8217;s counts. It&#8217;s been over 6 weeks since Michelle relapsed, and the odds were that these cancerous cells would multiply rapidly. I&#8217;ll give you an example of how quickly moving or &#8220;acute&#8221; Michelle&#8217;s AML is. Prior to Michelle&#8217;s 1st relapse last April, Michelle had a quarterly checkup and blood draw on a Thursday, and everything checked out okay.  By Sunday, Michelle started to get pounding headaches that indicated she had relapsed. So we are definitely concerned with Michelle&#8217;s AML proliferating rapidly.</p>
<p>However, blast cells have not spilled over into her bloodstream which means there is something working in Michelle&#8217;s favor that is presumably fighting back her cancer. As mentioned in previous posts, Michelle is now completely off of her immuno-suppressants which, in theory, should enable her donor cells / immune system to attack leukemia cells in her body. We will know for sure what&#8217;s going after Michelle&#8217;s bone marrow biopsy on Monday, April 27th. </p>
<p>In addition to this, we&#8217;ve started seeing an Asian herbalist with the hope of boosting Michelle&#8217;s immune system. Every night, we heat up a concoction of herbs in water for 2 hours in a special claypot, and Michelle has to stomach the drink that pours out. Actually, Michelle has the bad habit of determining ahead of time whether she will like any food or drink, so I thought she was being a drama queen when she made faces and sounds as she drank her medicine. I tried a sip of her drink and can attest that it&#8217;s pretty bad. </p>
<p><a href='http://projectmichelle.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/chinese-herbs.jpg'><img src="http://projectmichelle.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/chinese-herbs.jpg" alt="" title="chinese-herbs" width="300" height="225" class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-519" /></a></p>
<p>Historically, we&#8217;ve resisted going down the path of Eastern medicine. Not because we don&#8217;t think there is value to herbs that have been recommended to us. It&#8217;s been more because we have had no way of determining who to trust and what to take. More importantly, we didn&#8217;t want to interfere with any medications, especially chemotherapy, that Michelle was on. In fact, we were given specific instructions to not take any herbal medicine in Seattle. Since Michelle is not currently on chemotherapy, we felt that it was worth a shot. We&#8217;re not sure if it&#8217;s a coincidence, but Michelle started feeling a lot better pretty much as soon as she started taking her herbal medicine. Her energy has been a lot better and her nausea has subsided quite a bit. She still has some recurring headaches and some generally bad days, but these are less frequent.</p>
<p>We&#8217;ll probably never really know whether it&#8217;s the Chinese herbs truly working or it&#8217;s just the placebo effect. At this point though, I&#8217;m not going to question the source of these positive outcomes. Instead, we are focusing on taking advantage of the days Michelle does have energy to go out and have some fun. On top of eating out a lot and getting a very welcome visit from a good friend, here are some of the things we&#8217;ve done the past couple of weeks&#8230;</p>
<p>Confused at the Mystery Spot:</p>
<p><a href='http://projectmichelle.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/mystery-spot-1.jpg'><img src="http://projectmichelle.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/mystery-spot-1.jpg" alt="" title="mystery-spot-1" width="300" height="225" class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-512" /></a></p>
<p><a href='http://projectmichelle.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/mystery-spot-2.jpg'><img src="http://projectmichelle.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/mystery-spot-2.jpg" alt="" title="mystery-spot-2" width="225" height="300" class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-513" /></a></p>
<p>Stuffing our faces with funnel cake in Santa Cruz:</p>
<p><a href='http://projectmichelle.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/santa-cruz.jpg'><img src="http://projectmichelle.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/santa-cruz.jpg" alt="" title="santa-cruz" width="300" height="225" class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-514" /></a></p>
<p>Going to the shooting range:</p>
<p><a href='http://projectmichelle.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/shooting-range.jpg'><img src="http://projectmichelle.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/shooting-range.jpg" alt="" title="shooting-range" width="225" height="300" class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-515" /></a></p>
<p><a href='http://projectmichelle.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/shooting-range-2.jpg'><img src="http://projectmichelle.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/shooting-range-2.jpg" alt="" title="shooting-range-2" width="300" height="224" class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-516" /></a></p>
<p>Feeling like kids at the Jelly Belly factory:</p>
<p><a href='http://projectmichelle.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/jelly-belly.jpg'><img src="http://projectmichelle.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/jelly-belly.jpg" alt="" title="jelly-belly" width="300" height="225" class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-517" /></a></p>
<p>Celebrating Michelle&#8217;s Dad&#8217;s Birthday with the family:</p>
<p><a href='http://projectmichelle.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/celebrating-dads-bday.jpg'><img src="http://projectmichelle.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/celebrating-dads-bday.jpg" alt="" title="celebrating-dads-bday" width="300" height="225" class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-518" /></a></p>
<p>Celebrating Mabel&#8217;s heritage at the Cherry Blossom Festival:</p>
<p><a href='http://projectmichelle.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/cherry-blosson-festival.jpg'><img src="http://projectmichelle.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/cherry-blosson-festival.jpg" alt="" title="cherry-blosson-festival" width="300" height="225" class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-520" /></a></p>
<p>Truly embracing Mabel&#8217;s heritage by taking ridiculous Japanese photo booth sticky pictures:</p>
<p><a href='http://projectmichelle.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/japanese-booth-pic.jpg'><img src="http://projectmichelle.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/japanese-booth-pic.jpg" alt="" title="japanese-booth-pic" width="300" height="195" class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-521" /></a></p>
<p>And of course, obsessing over our lil Marshawn:</p>
<p><a href='http://projectmichelle.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/marshawn-lil-pal.jpg'><img src="http://projectmichelle.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/marshawn-lil-pal.jpg" alt="" title="marshawn-lil-pal" width="300" height="225" class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-522" /></a></p>
<p>Yes, he really fell asleep like this.</p>
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		<slash:comments>9</slash:comments>
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