At last week’s appointment my local oncologist gave me three options:
1. Re-induction chemo and if I get into remission, do a 2nd transplant
2. Take Sprycel to see if the medicine can extend my life (My Leukemia is C-KIT+ (cd117+) which Sprycel can be effective on. *This is not a long term cure)
3. Do nothing, monitor the disease and enjoy the time I have left. He used words like “vacation”, “trip”, “cruise” a bunch of times.
My local oncologist wanted me to understand that my Leukemia is extremely resistant. I have received the strongest treatments (chemo, radiation, etc.) to kill my cancer, but it keeps coming back. He warned me that enduring more treatment could be detrimental to my quality of life and he guaranteed that Leuk would come back. However, he did say that I needed to make this decision based on my heart and my own intuition. He would support me 110% with whatever I decide.
Although I greatly respect his opinion, at this point, I refuse to give up. I am only 27 years old. There is no vacation I want to go on before I die (I wouldn’t enjoy it with this dark cloud hovering over me.). I am not in denial. I understand that we are in unchartered territory and I am up against a ginormous wall. However, I am not fighting to live for a few more months. I AM fighting to cure myself of this horrible disease so I can enjoy life until I’m gray and old. I want to be there to support Van as he becomes an established businessman, to applaud Melanie at her graduation from med school, to be in the delivery room and welcome Melissa’s future babies into the world, to join a senior citizen bowling team with my BFF Mabel, etc. I would rather die fighting than throwing in the towel.
Tomorrow I meet with my doctor to discuss my decision. We will probably start chemo in 2 weeks (after my close friends’ wedding). I know delaying my chemo is risky, but this wedding is the only thing that I dreamed about going to before I left for Seattle. My heart is set on attending. Plus my cancer has been progressing slower than my oncologists had expected and my counts have remained stable. I feel strong and energized. But I’m no fool, if my counts take a deep plunge in the upcoming weeks, I will start chemo immediately.
54 responses so far ↓
1 Pim // May 13, 2009 at 3:46 pm
We LOVE you, Michelle!!!
-Pim & Gary
2 Amitha // May 13, 2009 at 3:59 pm
you go girl =)
3 Ann Gregory // May 13, 2009 at 4:55 pm
We all know better than most that there are no guarantees where this disease is concerned. That being said, I can’t believe your doctor guaranteed that the leukemia would come back with treatment. You’ve fought too long and too hard for that kind of sentiment to come into play. I’m happy that you’re going to keep fighting, because the world is a greater place with you in it. Chris and I are behind you one hundred percent.
4 Mike // May 13, 2009 at 6:12 pm
My wife went through re-induction after she relapsed (first clofarabine + Ara-C + C-GSF, which failed big time) and then Vidaza + Mylotarg, which showed definite promise. I think it’s worth a try, and we wouldn’t have done it any other way. So, as your friends say, you go girl, and drop me a line if you need local support in Seattle.
All the best…
5 Regina // May 13, 2009 at 6:58 pm
We are praying for you, Michelle. I found a book, that is quite interesting. My father has bone cancer/colon cancer. He is not taking chemo or radiation but fighting it naturally with eating organically and seeing a homeopathic doctor. (taking herbal vitamins, etc.) Have you thought about these options too? He has had it for 15 months now and just started this regimen about 3 weeks ago. (b/c they are just finding it) They say his count is down, which is great, and he is doing well. The book I was talking about was written by a twice cancer survivor dr. who found a way to help cure it and keep it at bay. The book is called “Anti Cancer A new way of life” by Dr. David Servan-Schreiber. I only read the first 14 pages b/c I gave it to my mom and dad to read. But I really enjoyed just the beg. of the book. We are praying for you and keep up the smiles and hopes!
6 Carol // May 13, 2009 at 8:48 pm
Hi Michelle,
Good triumphs over bad any day. You have way too much goodness and fight in you for Leuk. I respect your doctor for being real, but what he can’t measure is your willpower and tenacity, which will complement any treatment you decide to use. You’re right that you have your whole life ahead of you, with so many more lives that you’ll touch, smiles you’ll bring, laughs that you’ll share, dances you’ll dance. You’re a soldier, fight on.
7 Michelle // May 13, 2009 at 9:07 pm
My thoughts and prayers are with you. You’ve shown what a fighter you are. Your positive mindset and determination will get you through. With the love and support of your family, friends, and strangers, I know this will continue to motivate you to win this war. Keep up your positive spirit
8 HM // May 14, 2009 at 4:09 am
We wouldn’t expect any less!
We love you and are fighting with you…
9 Jenny // May 14, 2009 at 7:23 am
You keep at it, girl! We’re all behind you 100% percent!
10 Erin Kinch // May 14, 2009 at 8:50 am
GO MICHELLE! I know you can do it.
11 Young // May 14, 2009 at 10:33 am
love your determination and persistence … full speed ahead!
12 Molasses Minds // May 14, 2009 at 11:10 am
THAT is what I want to hear!!! You keep making plans for your future and you keep fighting. As much as these doctors would like to say this or that will happen, there is nothing that says you cannot be cured of this horrible disease. When you are bowling in your old people’s bowling league, you will look back and say “that was a piece of cake.” I am sending you good energy.
13 mabel // May 14, 2009 at 11:51 am
bumper bowling, here we come
14 Mark P // May 14, 2009 at 1:44 pm
Good luck, Michelle. Keep fighting this! You are in my thoughts.
15 Steve // May 14, 2009 at 1:50 pm
I know you’ve got plenty of fight left in you, Michelle. We all want to see you get old and gray.
16 carly // May 14, 2009 at 2:17 pm
Thinking positive thoughts for you!!
17 hannah // May 14, 2009 at 3:56 pm
you’re so inspirational michelle… here i am complaining about stupid work stuff and you just put so much perspective into things.
love you, support you 100%, and can’t wait to see you this weekend!!!
18 Suzanne // May 14, 2009 at 4:07 pm
Michelle, My son was in ICU after his BMT with o WBC count and an infection, they said that he would not make it, he did! Visualise your healthy cells attacking the leuk cells. My son did it, first round of chemo it didn’t work, he went through 7 rounds of chemo and he is alive today. E-mail me if you need to, I will be here to support you. You will survive My Michelle, you will. I will visualise you becoming healthy again, and you will see the doctors will tell you, they do not know how but that you are in remission. Believe you are healthy and you will be!
19 Stacie Tamaki // May 14, 2009 at 6:31 pm
Michelle please let me know if there is ANYTHING I can do to support you in this fight. Doctors know a lot but they aren’t always right. I pray your doctor is wrong and that your optimism, tenacity and finding that perfect marrow match will pull you through until you’re old and grey with your hair in a bun.
We’re having a marrow dono drive this Saturday at VF. I will mention your name to every person I talk to while urging them to get registered. *Hugs*
20 A Fan // May 14, 2009 at 7:51 pm
Keep staying positive and continue to fight. You inspire us all.
21 Batta // May 15, 2009 at 12:29 am
I like how I’m the one with the babies. : )
22 supporter // May 15, 2009 at 6:43 am
Michelle, I suffered from an illness (a congenital defect) when I was born. i will guarantee you that while doctors are brilliant, they don’t have the answer for everything.
You will get over this. You just have to believe you will. And surround yourself with people who believe you will as well.
23 Pat Fitz // May 15, 2009 at 11:39 am
you’ve made the only choice worth considering – to continue to fight. any other choice would not fit your character. We’re all with you.
24 Janice // May 15, 2009 at 1:55 pm
Michelle, i am glad you are fighting this battle with all your heart, because nothing is more powerful than love. leuk may be a fighter, but you’re way stronger. visualize placing the flowers in the gun barrels. can’t wait to see you sunday! sorry about the seafood craving =P <3!
25 Erica Forever // May 15, 2009 at 8:10 pm
You are so wise, Michelle, and your own will to heal your body is THE most powerful weapon against cancer there is. I believe in you.
26 Chi Tien // May 16, 2009 at 7:24 am
My fiance’s sister was diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer over 10 years ago. The doctors told her she had very little time. She went through rounds of chemo that were unsuccessful and while she is still not in remission, she is still with us 10 yrs later. She stays positive, fights for every day and looks to various new treatments for hope. I believe in miracles and you can do this. And where western medicine fails, I do believe that eastern treatments and natural cures exist. Check out the pH Miracle sometime – I thought it was a very interesting concept. Stay strong, cuz – you are right to fight!!
27 Anonymous // May 16, 2009 at 9:34 am
Michelle, I’m very glad you have decided to continue fighting…I just know with all my heart that you will defeat this stupid disease and will be able to look back and laugh at it! My prayers are with you.
28 Matthew // May 17, 2009 at 1:32 am
Keep fighting!!! There is no other option. Sending prayers and hugs buddy.
29 Diane Pippen // May 17, 2009 at 8:43 pm
Hi Michelle,
Wishing you and Van all the best. I was so sorry to hear that your leukemia is trying to rear its ugly head. When I write on my blog, I call all these problems ugly trolls that jump out and scare the crap out of you when you least expect it. Keep fighting Michelle, you are a brave and wonderful soul. I wrote to you a few months back about my son, who is also 26 years old and has a rare bilineage CML, when he was going to get cranio-spinal radiation. Well he made it through the radiation, but, they missed the lung GVH that has now possibly permanently damaged his lungs!! He too is still fighting to beat the leukemia and get back to living his life! I will be praying for you Michelle. No matter what you choose, it is your life and you deserve every happiness. I pray that it will soon come your way. It is a long, long road isn’t it? God bless you Michelle.
30 carollai // May 18, 2009 at 7:34 am
gosh… prayers are with you. feel their strength!!!!!!
31 Cat // May 18, 2009 at 11:52 am
Hi Michelle,
I have been following your story since finding you on angryasianman.com a few months ago. You are strong and have a beautiful spirit – keep fighting for you, for your family and for the people to whom you give hope.
Best,
Cat
32 Helen // May 18, 2009 at 7:17 pm
That’s right, show Leuk who’s the boss! Keep up the great strength and positive attitude, you WILL win! I believe in you
33 Linh // May 18, 2009 at 10:39 pm
michelleee…you’re the most beautiful person i know
and the toughest cookie.
34 Crystal // May 19, 2009 at 12:05 am
Your decision is as always inspiring. I am grateful to have you and Van in my life. Go do your thing… We have way more pinkberry trips to make and I’m counting on you to save me from the medium sizes
. Love you both!
35 Christine // May 19, 2009 at 7:56 am
Hi Michelle,
i’ve actually been following your progress since last nov. I am sooooo glad that you are not giving up and continue to fight those horrible leukemia cells! I myself have been diagnosed with AML last sept, going to do my BMT next week. You have given me the courage and strength to keep fighting! Lets fight this together and get CURED!
36 AMP // May 19, 2009 at 7:11 pm
i’m joining the bowling league too. we’ll use meeka’s embroidery machine to make our team shirts.
37 Melanie A // May 20, 2009 at 11:59 am
Hi, Michelle-
I have been reading your blog for several months now, but have never left a comment. I just want you to know that I am pulling for you! You are in my thoughts and prayers. The truth is no doctor can tell you what your Leuk will or won’t do. Follow your heart! Your strength and attitude are amazing. You go, girl! There are so many people pulling for you.
38 Thuy // May 20, 2009 at 1:14 pm
You are truly an inspiration Michelle. I am keeping you in my prayers, day and night.
39 Krissy Kobata // May 20, 2009 at 4:02 pm
Never give up my friend. I completely understand and support your decision… giving up is just not an option for us. I’m constantly keeping you in my thoughts…fight the good fight- you will make it.
xo,
krissy
40 Ki Kim // May 20, 2009 at 6:04 pm
Mad respect for you, Michelle!! Keep Fighting, babe we are all rooting for you big time.
41 Janelle // May 21, 2009 at 1:45 pm
Michelle, I am so inspired by you. You are a strong person and deserve only the best!
Janelle
42 Sonia // May 21, 2009 at 11:33 pm
NPR’s story of the day: Positive Thoughts Can Help Heal Another Person (http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=104351710)
Rest assured, as there are 1000s of people who read this blog and send you positive thoughts!
43 Samantha MacRae // May 22, 2009 at 7:09 am
Hi Michelle,
I have only just seen this and of course we are cheering you on.Thinking of you.
Sam xx
44 Ed Collins // May 22, 2009 at 11:27 am
Prayer is the answer, and I beg our dear Lord to cure you.
Love,
Edgar
45 Charise // May 22, 2009 at 5:39 pm
You are so strong and beautiful. My thoughts are with you
46 Carol // May 22, 2009 at 8:46 pm
Hi Michelle, I am a fan of Suzanne (#18). I think you need more positive energy sent your say. Visualize those healthy cells. I and going to send out a tweet and ask people to visualize for you and send you positive thoughts. What ever you need we are here 110%. We send our love.
47 Suzanne // May 22, 2009 at 9:43 pm
I think of you very often, bless you Michelle, remember visualise the healthy cells attacking and killing the leuk cells You are stronger and smarter!!
48 Annie // May 23, 2009 at 4:22 am
It broke my heart to hear that you relapsed back in March, but I’m glad to hear that you’re staying strong and not losing hope. If there’s anyone that can beat this, I believe its you!
49 Rebecca // May 23, 2009 at 5:57 pm
hi, michelle! my name is rebecca, and i am a chinese american. i just finished swabbing my cheeks to send to the asian american donor program. one of my friends made me aware of how few minorities are registered as bone marrow donors, and i hope that i will be a match for someone out there.
KEEP FIGHTING!!!
XOXO
50 krissy knox // May 24, 2009 at 7:41 am
Michelle,
Hope you are alright, we haven’t heard from you for awhile. My husband is recovering from 2 blood cancers, a bmt, and complications. He had the BMT three years ago. He was determined to live, and his will to fight, along with the doctor’s great care has kept him alive. I’m not saying that if it is time that the Lord wants you to go, you won’t, I’m just saying that attitude has a lot to do with it — the fighting to stay alive attitude. He should have died 100+ times but he is still here with us. And loving life. He still struggles daily, but so what, he loves life. He is not giving up. Not telling you what to do, but he wants me to tell you to “go for it,” follow your heart, don’t give up if you don’t feel like it. If you want to email me or him, just find my email address in my blog. I’ll give you his if you’d like that also. If you’re too tired to write anybody, I understand. Heaven’s yes! Just use your strength for what you want to use it for. Remember, you are special. Let us know how you are doing, please. My husband and I are praying for you.
Love,
krissy knox
visit my main blog:
Sometimes I Think
follow me on Twitter:
http://twitter.com/iamkrissy;
51 Daniel Mart // May 24, 2009 at 9:46 pm
If you die, I will soooooo be pissed.
As the great song says, “baby, please don’t go”
52 Ide // May 24, 2009 at 11:11 pm
Keep fighting, we’re all fighting alongside you =).
Love,
Ide
53 Valerie // May 26, 2009 at 8:34 am
You are a rockstar Michelle. And inspiration to us all. Keep fighting, we are all here to back you up. XOXO
54 Wenda "Jello" Lee // May 30, 2009 at 1:20 am
Prayers are going out to you. I’m glad to hear you’re not giving up! You are soo strong mentally and physically! You are AWESOME!
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