These past few weeks, we’ve been helping my mom move out of the house we grew up in and into a place closer to her work (which also happens to be my hospital). Yesterday I found my senior yearbook that I hadn’t seen in years. On the first page I flipped to, I read a note from a girl, who’s mom just happens to be one of my current infusion nurses (small freaking world). She wrote, “Michelle, you’re one of the nicest people I’ve ever known. Good luck with life’s challenges.”
I thought to myself “Wow such wise words.” In all the other messages my schoolmates wrote about future successes, accomplishments, ambitions, opportunities, etc. No one else mentioned life’s challenges. No one thinks about future hardships when they are young. I surely didn’t.
I always thought Van and I would grow old together. In college, whenever I saw an old Asian couple on the bus, I would smile and dream that that would be Van and me one day. He would wear those Kangol caps that old men wear and I would have my gray hair tied in a bun. Maybe one of us would be using a cane. Now I’ll be lucky if I even reach my thirtieth birthday. My yearbook review made me feel sorry for myself and bitter. “Why me?!?” was the question of the day.
I was lamenting all of this to my sister. Luckily Melanie was there to hug it out with me. She’s really the best person to be with when I feel crappy. Only she would think to show me this to dry my tears:
Today I feel much better. Now I’m off to my appointment with Dr. Johnson to get ready for my upcoming life challenges. Here we go…
15 responses so far ↓
1 mabel // May 7, 2009 at 2:11 pm
i love you.
2 Samantha MacRae // May 7, 2009 at 4:54 pm
I know. Who would have thought there werte going to be challenges? Not me either
Your sister is genius for showing you tat video – so funny. We are thinking of you Michelle.
Sam xx
3 Diane Pippen // May 7, 2009 at 8:21 pm
Dear Michelle,
So sorry to hear about this latest setback for you and Van. You have been fighting for so long, I think you have a right to the gamut of emotions, just like the rest of us. I am glad your sister was there to bring back the laughter. It really is the best medicine and I don’t think we get enough of it. I will keep you and Van in my prayers. My son, Nick, who is just your age is still battling his leukemia as well. He was recently in the hospital for 58 days. He was diagnosed with pretty severe lung GVH! He must be on oxygen all the time now and somehow managed to get through his craniospinal radiation while this was going on. Michelle you and my son are two shining examples of the wonder of the human spirit. Michelle you are an amazing young woman. Keep on laughing as you fight the fight. Take care Michelle, I am thinking of you often and sending positive vibes your way.
4 Roopa // May 7, 2009 at 8:33 pm
Dear Michelle,
I visit this website often and think about you constantly. I keep thinking that it’s not fair that you have to endure all this pain. May you have the strength to get through these hardships.
Lots and lots of positive energy!
5 Suzanne // May 7, 2009 at 8:36 pm
Well you know what Michelle, you will be lucky and visualise you and Van beig old and grey and you will talk about how difficult this was and how you made it through. As a mom of Alex who has gone through what you have gone through, I saw a miracle with my son who came out of ICU with 0 wbc, he survived and is here today. MIRACLES come when they are ready not when we want them to. Keep the hope. Break down when you need to then go back to hope!
6 AMP // May 7, 2009 at 10:58 pm
Apple bottom jeans, boots w/the fur, WITH THE FURR. We’re going to bring the dance party to you Me-Shell. I know you still have a lot of energy left, esp. when your song comes up. =) Miss you.
7 Marcia // May 8, 2009 at 5:39 am
Hi Michelle, this is Marcia. I was really upset the cancer coming back for sure… I was still pretty hopeful after we spoke. I too am face with a lot of challenges as you know… I am a fighter and believe I know you are too. So I am not scared for you, because I you that you will get through this . you and Van will do it together. You will live to be old and gray! keep your spirit up and remember there are many praying.
8 Carol // May 8, 2009 at 10:08 am
Hi Michelle,
That’s so cute that you envisioned you and Van growing old together. Keep visualizing it because it is going to happen. You two can dance with your cane(s) and be the hottest couple on the dance floor. Thanks for sharing the YouTube clip – it was so hilarious. I’m glad Melanie was there to deliver a spoonful of laughter to you. You’ll beat this challenge and do a victory dance when all is said and done. Keep your chin up.
9 Amna // May 9, 2009 at 10:22 pm
Hey Michelle,
You don’t know me, but I just wanted to tell you that you are an inspiring and amazing person. Stay strong. My thoughts and prayers are with you every day.
10 Matthew // May 11, 2009 at 4:50 pm
Hey Michelle,
I am always thinking about you and sending prayers your way. I know you will get through this because you are such a fighter. On another note, yesterday my nurse was Jenny Lee. She said she is a friend of yours from middle school. She sends her love to you too. Keep on fighting and we will all be dancing old together.
11 Shannon // May 11, 2009 at 5:42 pm
i’m so glad you have a sister like melanie to lean on. we’re thinking of you and wishing leuk would go bother a cane toad instead.
12 carollai // May 11, 2009 at 10:36 pm
thanks for sharing… i can’t think of anything to say to help you feel better. i’m glad you have your sis for that. still praying for that miracle. fight. fight. fight. lifes challenges make us stronger.
13 Ed Collins // May 12, 2009 at 1:50 pm
Dear Michelle,
I think and pray for you all the time. My uncle is battleing brain and lung cancer, and there are so very many with cancer in our lives. You are a very special person, and I know that God put you here for His very special purposes. I know that because of your life and soul, God’s will and plan is being carried out. The good that you are doing for ten’s of thousands is beyond measure.
Love,
Ed and Nancy
14 tdb // May 13, 2009 at 10:10 am
Thanks for the great laugh!!
15 huy // May 14, 2009 at 6:38 am
Hi Michelle,
life really isn’t fair. I’m sorry this shit happened to someone like you.
I hope to see you soon.
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