Saturday, Van and I took advantage of the Seattle sun to take a trip to Whidbey islands.  We walked along the beach and stopped at some lookout points overlooking Puget Sound waters and the surrounding mountains.  It was breathtaking.  I could sit there and stare at the calm waters for hours (if it wasn’t so cold).  My energy level was great and we pretty much spent all day out and about.

Today was another story.  Here were my initial goals for the day:

1. Blog in the morning

2. Get in over 100 fl oz of fluids (my usual goal is 80 fl oz, but Sat’s blood draw showed I needed more hydration)

3. Pack up my clothes

4. Help Van do a dry run pack of the car to make sure all of our stuff fits.  We have accumulated a bit of extra stuff over the last 5 months (e.g. Crock Pot, Juicer, pull up bar, rice cooker, etc, etc, etc)

5. Exercise for at least 30 minutes with Wii Fit

6. Shower

7. Meditate

8. Do the dishes

Goals actually achieved:  Dishes, Fluids (after I finish this last cup of cranberry juice), blog.

I really wanted to be productive today, but I couldn’t muster up the energy.  I have been having a headache all day long.  It’s not bad enough where I need to take pain meds.  I try to avoid extra pills as much as possible.  However, the dull ache in my head just makes me want to lay down.  Also, today I’ve been feeling nauseous on and off.  I think both of these things are due to my tapering off of one of my two major immunosuppressants called Cellcept (aka Mycophenolate).  Instead of 1000mg three times a day, I only have to take 1000mg twice a day.  I just started the taper on Friday.  In any case, I haven’t actually vomited, but sometimes I feel like I could blow chunks if I let myself.  (Personally, I know I have a very quick gag reflex and I have a mental choice of letting it out or keeping it in.  I try to keep it in.  I’d rather not have to re-take all of my meds.  bleh)

I was a couch potato all day and truthfully I felt guilty about it.  I kept saying to myself, “Okay in 5 minutes, I’m going to get up and be productive.”  5 minutes came and went, came and went, and I didn’t do anything.  I hate slacking off and not meeting my goals (yes I know the old type A Michelle is slowly creeping back in – someone needs to hush her up).  When Van made a joke about me not doing my Wii Fit exercise I pretty much lost it and broke down in tears.  I confessed how frustrated I was with myself and not being able to physically do the things I wanted to do.  Van had to remind me that one of the most important things we learned during our Long Term Care class was that I was going to have my ups and downs and that I need to take it easy.  He reminded me that during class the presenter said a patient once mentioned to her, “Every morning I wake up and I never know if I’m going to be the 50 year old in the 90 year old body or the 50 year old in the 50 year old body.”  Today I couldn’t agree more.

I’m not going to beat myself up anymore.  I’m going to bed now and hoping that tomorrow I will wake up free of headache and nausea, and feel refreshed and rejuvenated.  Here’s to a new day.

(Tomorrow is Exit Meetings Day.  I have my last meeting with my attending physician and a visit to Dr. Delaney’s cord transplant lab.  I’m still set to come home this Wednesday night!!)