When I was taking Percocet (Oxycodone), to relieve the pain from my cellulitis infection last year, I had horrible nightmares that I couldn’t wake up from. The most vivid one was of me on a magic carpet. This was a maniac magic carpet from hell. It was going extremely fast and I couldn’t control it. My stomach dropped every time it would go downwards (like a roller coaster). When I thought it was slowing down and letting up, it would start to speed up and drop again. I laugh now about that dream, but it was so bad that I didn’t want to go to sleep. I felt like I was in a Nightmare on Elm Street movie. hehe

Well I feel like I’m on the evil ride in real life. My spinal tap came back and they found 2 white blood cells that appear to be leukemic blasts. This was a shock because all of my other spinal taps (7!!) have never found any leukemic blasts in my spinal fluid. We did the 6 rounds of intrathecal Ara-C chemo as a precautionary treatment. After all this time, these suckers are coming out of the woodworks to rain on my transplant parade.

Just as I was getting comfortable with the total head radiation, it looks like I’m going to be receiving 6 more rounds of intrathecal chemo…a different drug called Methotrexate (2 doses before transplant starting this Friday and 4 doses after transplant) PLUS cranial spinal radiation (radiation to my head AND my spine). I don’t think this will delay my transplant which is set for November 20th. Dr. Ram, my main physician, said that even though there are blast cells in my central nervous system, my bone marrow biopsy showed no sign of leukemic cells. However, if we don’t treat the CNS, the leukemia cells in the CNS may trigger a systemic relapse. Dr. Ram doesn’t think that I will relapse in the next 3 weeks, but gosh am I scared.

Van and my sister have reminded me that it’s a good thing the doctors found this now before my transplant so we can treat it right away. Maybe it’s fate that I’m here at the Hutch where they have experience with leukemia in the CNS and have done cranial spinal radiation. I agree…this is great that it’s been detected now rather than post transplant. I’m not scared of the treatment, but I’m disappointed and heartbroken that there are even leukemia cells in my CNS. Whoever is controlling the universe is really trying to break my spirit. I want off of this ride.